Apparently she got some trade too, and the going rate for those sordid enough to be interested, is a mere 100 Euros. But it proves that motorsport has stayed true to its ideals of supporting the local economy.

But this snapshot of a transaction in the world’s oldest trade brings up an interesting point: what’s driving the calendar? Is it economic factors, tradition, or something else?

A few people have asked why we’re in Poland  so let’s try to come up with a slightly more scientific conclusion than ‘answers on a back of a postcard’, which is the first one that springs to mind.

Convenience is the first answer we can sling out of the window. Mikolajki, the rally base, is a four-hour trip north of Warsaw during which you have to drive past an old MIG 17 parked in a field and contend with a few roads that would make a decent special stage in themselves.

Motorways do not yet exist in Poland. It’s not that there isn’t the money to build them: the European Union is practically begging to foot the bill. It’s just that the Poles can’t really decide where to put them.

So maybe it’s the charm of the location? Erm...unlikely. It’s true enough that Mikolajki has been considered to be a desirable holiday destination for years – by Communists – but in this day and age it really doesn’t cut it.

The event is based next to a 650-room hotel that looks like it was built by Stalin and the tiny town seems to have just one restaurant, with service that would shame Basil Fawlty. They’ve not even got round to paving all the streets yet, for Lenin’s sake, leading one person to comment that this event reminded them of the classic Safari, in Kenya.

Could it be the quality of the stages? Rally leader Mikko Hirvonen described them as “a bit like Finland, only not as good” – which is hardly an unqualified endorsement. And Sebastien Loeb had the look of a man enjoying them about as much as a dose of herpes.

So it must make economic sense then – and to more people than just Svetlana, that’s actually closer to the truth. Believe it or not, Poland is reckoned to be the fifth largest car market in Europe and the second oldest rally in the world.

Consequently, the stages and service area are packed with people, which is more than you can say about many events.
With a preponderance of shell-suits, mullets and Christmas jumpers, most of them do not really look like the gilt-edged, high-roller, car-buying clientele that the WRC is hoping to attract. But appearances can be deceptive.

One spectator, who looked like Wurzel Gummidge’s second cousin, turned out in fact to be the owner of the Stalinist hotel. Another man, fresh out of the 1975 Top Man catalogue, possessed a chain of restaurants all over the country. Each of these people would comfortably possess wealth greater than the vast majority of WRC drivers put together.

The moral of the story should be that money can’t buy you style. But there and again, it obviously can. So it’s obvious what Mikolajki needs to make the Rally Poland a resounding success. A Prada shop.

Click the player to hear Conrad Rautenbach on getting to grips with the Polish roads:

Audio File